It all started when Netherton’s Chris Maguire got a bit miffed at West Ham (& London's) "Scottie" Parker receiving the Footballer of the Year award from the “gentlemen” of the press.
The accolade, seemingly on the strength of a high-pitched half-time speech when Avram Grant was on the bog at West Brom and a match-winning toe-poke against dastardly Liverpool.
As is the norm, the writers’ vote took place weeks before the end of the season, no-one having the foresight to wait and see if Parker’s efforts amounted anything more than a couple or rare, positive memories contributions in yet another relegation campaign for the ‘appy' Hammers!
So, on "The Rattle" as it has become known (formerly RAOTL), the most eclectic, irreverent, sartorially aware, match-going Reds forum, Chris (aka Rafaworejeansatwrexham on the said website) set up a poll to decide supporters' Liverpool FC player of the year. If truth be known, Lucas Leiva, though he still divides opinion, had always enjoyed staunch backing on The Rattle and it was no surprise to see him take 75% of the forum vote, ahead of the Dirk Kuyt and the red-hot new striker Luis Suarez.
The overwhelming vote for Leiva was testament to Lucas’s transformation into the central cog in Liverpool’s midfield, equally adept at breaking down the opposition play and setting Liverpool attacks in motion with astute, accurate passes.
Someone on the forum glibly suggested that the notional "award" should be christened The Golden Samba, on account of forumites’ obsession with adidas "trabs”, and of course, Lucas's Brazilian nationality – which many of his critics had previously called into question! What started out as a bit of internet time-wasting, moved closer to reality when another contributor suggested that the concept of The Golden Samba, named after the iconic Adidas Samba shoe, and chosen “wheels” of many a Kopite, rivaled the Ballon D’Or for prestige.
“Get it made”, came the cry on the Rattle!
So, all the while questioning his sanity and fearing that he was entering an early mid-life crisis, off Chris went into town to bag a pair of brand new “Samba”. Before you could say Jack Robinson, Chris had made his purchase – a lovely pair of Black Samba in his own size 9. Next stop were several hardware outlets in search of the golden spray paint that would transform a simple pair of trainers into the most prestigious award in World Football.
His purchases made, Chris then enlisted the help of local entrepreneur (and Bluenose) Frank Hargreaves who promised to mount the Samba (on wood, obviously) and engrave “Rattle Player of the Season 2010-11, Lucas Leiva” on a piece of shiny metal.
Of course, there was one final snag. What to do with the other spare Samba? Chris called Heather Mills to see if she was interested, but he should have known better. Ms. Mills has had difficulties with Liverpudlians in the past and he was given short shrift over the telephone by the ex-model.
If only Chris had given it proper thought, he wouldn’t have bothered – we all know Geordie scruffs don’t wear Adidas.
To cut a long story short, the spare trab has been used to create a Young Player of the Year Award, and this has been given to John Flanagan, the Reds’ superb, no-nonsense right-back.
We hope it’s the first of many for Flanno. And of course, should young John ever blow all his dough in the bookies, Christies in London have estimated that in 25 years time his “Silver Samba” could fetch the approximately £250,000 at auction, rivaling the value of Maradona’s “Hand of God” Argentina shirt.
We hope to present the awards at the foot of the Kop Goal during Sundays’s lap of honour after the Spurs game.
Kenny Dalglish said, “While I’m delighted for Lucas and Flanno, the deserved awards have made motivation ahead of Sunday a real issue for me. Such is the disappointment in the dressing room among the players who have missed out, that I have a mutiny on my hands. Stevie is seriously depressed, though it’s hard to tell with his gob, Maxi is fuming, Skyrtel and Meireles have retired and opened a tattooists on Breck Road. Pepe Reina is so traumatized that he’s been carted off to the funny farm shouting “If it wasn’t for Hodgson, I’d have had a Samba – in Spanish”
“I have told them all to think about next season’s Sambas!”
Liverpool were last night cut to 8-11 favourites to win the 2011-12 Premier League.
If anyone can help get the Golden Samba awards to Lucas or Flanagan get in touch with Chris Maguire or Mike Nevin via Twitter: @chrismaglfc @michaeltnevin
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